What's in a name?

Good ol' Shakespeare said that and went away. Our guys took it a bit too seriously. This one's about the names of commercial enterprises in India.

Before I delve into that, I'd like to tender an apology. I've been terribly busy of late. Will try to come up with stuff. Faster. Better. Funnier (Then again, who I am apologizing to ? It has been established beyond doubt that no one reads my blog any way. But hey! No one wanted to work for Google in the beginning. Everyone wants to work for Google NOW. Time is a great leveller.)

With that out of the way, I'd like to draw your attention to the name boards of shops in our country. Take a walk down any mid-sized market anywhere in India and you're guaranteed a couple of laughs. If it's not ridden with spelling errors, it's got names that make you go, "Honestly! what WERE they thinking?"

My personal favorite is this STD (Subscriber Trunk Dialling, you dirty mind) booth in Alwarpet, Chennai. It's called "Vimala Communications Center". So much for euphemisms. I mean, come on. You don't become a "Communications Center" with THREE telephones. When I asked the lady who owned the place about this, she said nothing. Instead, she shot a question back at me. She said, "George Bush got reelected. Explain that!". I couldn't.

Another one that makes it to my 'hall of fame' is the name of an electronics shop in West Mambalam, Chennai. This one's called "Rameshtronics". Need I say more?

Now, a typical Bangalore thing. You will almost never chance upon a 'Vijay Bakery'. In all probabality, it'll be called 'Vijay Condiments'. 'Condiment' sounds like a nice word, right? So what's my problem with it?

Here's what. The dictionary defines 'condiment' as "a substance, such as a relish, vinegar, or spice, used to flavor or complement food. [Middle English, from Old French, from Latin condīmentum, from condīre, to season]". Bakery = Bread, Cakes, etc. Condiment = Spice, Seasoning, etc. Catch my point?

Also, it's never 'VSV Travel Agents'. It's always 'VEE YES VEE Travels'. Well, who cares whether VEE YES VEE travels or not. I'd like someone to book a ticket for me.

I've noticed that this phenomenon is not limited to the south of the Vindhyas. North India has its own brand of "name board humour". I haven't been to too many places in the North. But from what I've seen in Delhi, Agra & Mathura, I can tell you that this is one genre of humour that's here to stay.

I'm tempted to give a 'Northie' example here and I am going to yield to that temptation. Check out "Krishna Bra-Panty Stores. All SIM Cards avilabel". If you can crack the connection between lingerie and mobile phone technology, you're a genius. You should make your services 'avilabel' to the country.

Can think of more? Post it here.

Think this is pretty much it? "Horn Ok Please" :)