Bollywood with Karan...

I like this guy, Anurag Kashyap. He wrote Satya, Shool and directed the recently-released, No Smoking. Well, No Smoking got panned by the critics. But I had liked the movie for some strange reason. Anyway, even his worst enemies accept the fact that he’s talented. But I bring him up, not for his body of work but for a statement he made some time back. When asked what he thought of the show “Koffee with Karan”, he called it ‘the mutual masturbation club’.

Now, there are a number of ways of looking at this. Some people would call Mr. Kashyap “outspoken” or even “fearless”. But if you ask me, he’s simply blown the lid off a prevalent viewpoint. Karan pampers the celebrities. The celebrities, in turn, pour their hearts out. Neat, don’t you think?

Not really. It’s just a wonderfully lucid illustration of what Bollywood is all about. Hypocrisy is the name of the game. The same celebrities, who mutter “No Comment” to hapless journalists, open up and spew venom on the show. They dissect their personal lives and speak of their torrid affairs. They call their contemporaries names and indulge in solid, wholesome bitching. On Indian television, this is solid, wholesome entertainment.

Why would this be hypocrisy? After all, everyone has the right to speak to whomsoever they are comfortable with. That’s where I’ve got a problem. Even the most reticent celebrities bare all on the show. They don’t do so without a reason. So that brings down the equation to either money power or just plain power. And we all know that when who you speak to depends upon where it takes you, you ain’t exactly Mother Teresa.

In one of the episodes, Karan brought out the contents of his now-famous gift hamper. And we found out that the hamper is worth an obscene amount of money, enough to feed a small nation. Money matters, even to the richest.

A lot of folks have money. But where Karan scores over the rest, is his clout in the industry. He’s the prince who turns everything to gold. Everyone wants to be in his movies. This is a great thing, because he wants everyone to be in his movies too.

If you’re an actor, you get into Karan’s good books. How? You turn up on the sets of the show and tattle about the relationship, whose existence you’ve denied for like ages now. He punctuates your story with his effeminate “oohs” and “aahs”. The audience laps it all up. The show’s TRPs hit the roof. Karan’s happy. You’re happy. Everyone’s happy. Did someone say ‘mutual masturbation club’?