Pershnality Contesht

I was at a ‘personality contest’ today. I’ve never understood the purpose of these competitions. They are all so similar. This is how it is, every single time. If there are a lot of folks participating, they have a written test to eliminate the chaff from, well, the other chaff. Then all the guys, who got through the silly questionnaire-test, get on stage and act weird. The weirdest junta win.

Now, it’s not like I have anything against these contests. They help pass time during student festivals and it is fun to watch people make complete jackasses out of themselves. But let’s face it. If the aim of these contests is to ‘help youngsters discover the positive aspects of their personality’, then it’s an exercise in futility.

Obviously, you have the right to think otherwise. But I’ve been to these contests a couple of times and it’s really funny how they all turn out the exact, same way.

Normally, the emcees are total losers. They can’t speak for nuts. And when they do, they speak in this singsong tone that makes you want to wring their necks. There are generally two people doing this and the prepared text that they follow is ridden with clichés. Not just ordinary clichés. They pick those excruciatingly annoying ones.

The guys, who qualify to find a place on stage, are your run-of-the-mill solid blocks of flesh that can’t spell “intelligence” if their life depended on it. The girls, who make the list, are very pretty. And that’s all I’ve got to say about them.

The first round is the introductions round, where each one of these nincompoops grab the microphone and (surprise surprise!) introduce themselves. The introductory speeches fall into two categories – long-stupid and short-stupid. Everyone’s desperately trying to make an impression in front of the jury, which is invariably made up of the head of the institution conducting the event and a couple of celebrities no one knows and/or cares about.

Just when you begin to think that it can’t get worse, you find out that the next round is the ‘talent’ round. The girls invariably dance their way out of this mess. Well, none of them dance exceptionally well. But for some vague reason, they seem to prefer raunchy numbers, which suits us just fine. We’re, by this time, louuvvving it!

The guys dance, too. But they also try their hand at singing, mono acting or mimicry. The fact, that they do a lousy job of all the aforementioned activities, bothers everyone else, except them. These fellows are blissfully unaware of their sorry state and go about trying to prove their ‘talent’ to the ‘esteemed panel of judges’. What a bucket load of crap!

A Q&A round follows this. The folks on the jury ask absurd questions and the participants give ridiculous answers. Now, that’s a fair deal, if you ask me.

Ultimately, the most conceited, hollow and pretentious people win. All these chaps want to make a difference to society. All of them want to contribute to charitable causes and follow the path laid down by (who-else-but!) Mother Teresa. All of them think that people infected with HIV/AIDS need love, care and mental support. Now, who would’ve thought of that, if they hadn’t told us?

The bottom line is that these contests (or contestants) achieve nothing by going through this grind. In fact, I think that they’re regressive, stupid and utterly superficial.

Or maybe I’m just a sore loser, having lost the ‘personality contest’ this morning.